Man, I love reading these posts. It’s the same part of me that loves going for a dusk walk and looking in peoples windows (I can’t be alone in that?! right…?!) Anyway- I am always so grateful to others for sharing their year-end reviews, especially when they’re a bit vulnerable and include both personal and professional. I get a lot from them. So here is (part of!) mine. I’ve split it up into me, work, and family.

Me:

• The first thing that comes to mind is that I got a handle on my mental health for the first time. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, I can’t remember a time I wasn’t anxious in some way. It fluctuates, but it’s always there. My symptoms became progressively worse at the start of the year, which included sometimes excruciating chest pain amongst other things. I went to the doctors. Went on drugs. Went on different drugs. Thought I was having a heart attack (again). Doubled the dose of the new drugs. Had some incredible counseling. Practiced deep, deep kindness to myself. Finally leveled out. This all took until Autumn this year, it’s been a long old year of healing. An alternative title to this post would be 2019: Sponsored by Sertraline.

• I am so incredibly proud of myself. I started the year really sick with horrible tonsillitis, emotionally really burnt out, and with a crick so bad in my neck that I couldn’t move my head for most of January. Things had gone really well in the preceding year and I was earning more than I ever had, but I had a lot to learn about boundaries! And I have. I am in a MUCH better place now.

• In 2019 I leaned heavily on my self-care routines. Found I couldn’t actually cope without them. I said no to more and more stuff, in both work and personal life. Felt much much better as a result.

• I slept. (It really is the simplest and most nourishing gift we can give ourselves)

• Turned 35, felt totally cool about it. (really- it’s a privilege)

• Started running regularly for the joy of it, and nothing else.

• Continued to journal and reaped the benefits.

• Focussed on nourishing my body- from skincare (all hail Rosehip seed oil) to supplements to fruit and veg- but crucially without cutting chocolate or sugar out.

• Felt pretty shitty about the state of the earth. Continued to be mostly Vegan, sometimes veggie, and also continued to work on our own carbon footprint and plastic use as a family, within the reality of our life (ie with kindness!)

Work:

• I finished teaching my first ever e-course (The January Life Book) after many MANY more students joined than I anticipated.

• Worked with some lovely brands as an influencer.

• Dave and I wrestled life as 2 freelance parents. Struggled with the balance between time with the kids/each other and needing the bucks; learned to live even more frugally. Tried to focus on enjoying the time together.

• Started and ended my first ever magazine column on living soulfully, a dream since childhood.

• Co-hosted another 3 days Nature Sessions retreat, and day retreat at Elmley Nature, my favourite place.

• Worked with flowers and foliage more and more, and found a lot of joy there. (read my last post about how I was able to do this)

• Taught over 400 people in my online and in-person wreath making workshops!

• I also taught a journalling and goal setting workshop for LAMDA which was pretty cool.

• I did some brilliant styling projects this year. From Grain & Hearth Bakery, the new Mama Owl shop to styling tables for Spring, Habitat, Sas Petherick, Ray Dodd, Macknade and Elmley.

Family:

• Auden turned 2 and Frankie turned 7. Found I needed to rethink my parenting with Frankie. Make a daily choice to let go of arbitrary control.

• Focussed on just soaking Auden up in all his sweetness. 2 is an incredibly sweet but sometimes challenging age! I stopped breastfeeding all together earlier this year and felt good about the decision.

• We established some new family rhythms, which really work (Friday- pizza, Saturday- woods walk, Sunday- park run on the beach) and some daily rhythms and boundaries around playtime, chores and screen time which feel good. This is ongoing!

• Celebrated two of my cousin’s marriages which were so lovely.

• My sister graduated as a nurse (with a first! I am so proud!) My brother became a Curate!

• Hung out with Daves family a lot more, and continued to see my Dad who comes to visit regularly and is adored by my kids.

• My goddaughter was born and is so fiercely loved by her god siblings (my kids take it very seriously!)

• We camped for a few days in our friend’s garden during the heatwave and had the best time. We also went away for a few family visits. We had no other holidays though, which we need to rectify for 2020! We’re pretty good however at making ‘moments of holiday’ at home so I don’t feel too bad about that.

• We went through a horrible Cancer scare with my aunt, who is like a mum to me, but she is ok. GRATEFUL.

This isn’t all of it. It’s more of a whirlwind tour. Some incredible things happened but a lot of really hard stuff happened too, and actually, there was more of the hard stuff. I’m holding myself lovingly. I’m giving myself space to feel all of those feelings: pride, sadness, regret and deep deep gratitude. I’m taking the lessons learned. I’m focussing on where things felt good and where there was flow, joy, and pride. and I’m pondering, pondering, pondering, giving myself space and time in the dark of winter to think and hope and dream. I am currently working through my own January Life Book - these are just a few of my 2019 reflections and I’ll share 2020 in another post.

The early bird discount on my January Life Book e-course ends tonight at midnight if you’d like to join me in some reflection and planning with radical kindness. There is a day retreat option, and I offer pay what you can spaces to those who don’t have the funds available to them too.

Happy New Year, friends.