How to create a sense of Home wherever you are
This blog post is all about how to create a sense of home when things feel very uprooted. I run an interiors agony aunt column on Instagram where I take questions from followers and answer them in a video. I received a question from somebody who is separating from their husband, but they’re both living in the house so they’re spending half the week staying with friends and family. This person was concerned about staying grounded and how to have a sense of safety and security in that situation.
I've decided to create a blog post all about that because I didn't feel like I could answer it in a one minute reel. I'm expanding this definition to other situations that people may come up against. Things like:
moving into a house temporarily as yours is renovated
moving to a new place for a short-medium term work contract
travelling
studying away from home
moving into student accommodation
house sitting for three months
unexpectedly given notice on your rental
moving back in with your parents temporarily.
temporary social housing
prolonged hospital stay.
These are all things that are happening amongst my friends and family, and there are many more reasons why you might have a temporary living situation where things feel really uprooted, so the above list is by no means exhaustive.
But before I can really get into how to stay grounded, I think we first need to think about why it is so important.
I talk about how to stay grounded in my Fresh Nest e-course all the time, and I feel super passionate about it. I recorded a TikTok about it about 18 months ago now and it went a bit viral, and in it I said that home has one of the biggest impacts on our overall health and happiness, and that a report by the Happiness Institute found that our home, rented or owned, had a bigger impact on our overall happiness than our work, income, and even our family life. Yet it is serially overlooked as a way to create more health and happiness.
Home is often seen as the women's domain. It's dismissed as frivolous because we live in a very patriarchal, capitalist society. Leveraging the untapped power of our home can have really far-reaching consequences.
Here are some of the things that we get that we feel when we have a solid sense of home.
(I'm not necessarily talking about the bricks and mortar here, as you’ll see!)
Bed rotting. Comfort. Where do we go when we’re sick, sad or tired?! Home is where we sleep, after all, and rest. It’s where we wear our comfiest clothes and collapse onto the sofa or bed; eat our favourite food, watch our favourite TV, and read our favourite books. It's where we exhale and relax, step away from vigilance. This opportunity to recharge the batteries means we are more resourced to deal with everything else.
Safety. If we’re lucky enough to live in a safe home, this is where we feel safe from an emotional point of view, but also from a physical point of view as well. We have control over the locks and safety measures which is a huge privilege that not everybody has.
Resilience. Your home can be an anchor in times when things are really, really difficult. Whether that’s sickness, grief or things like economic downturns or natural disasters, or just any sort of personal crisis. We've just gone through some major grief in our family, and I'm very grateful to have a home that provides an anchor for me. A stable and comforting home can help people to cope initially, and also to recover over the long term more effectively as well.
Connection. Maybe we don't live with them, but home is where we spend time with the people and animals that we love. Ultimately, humans are relational beings, like on a cellular level, and we need some sort of connection. Home is often where that happens, where we enjoy it the most. That might be visits from friends and family, pets, partners, kids.
Predictability. This is a big one for me and I say that as someone who rents. Personally, having familiarity and routine provides a foundation for reducing stress and anxiety. I'm happiest when I'm at home in my little routines, wearing, eating and even doing the same things, (I'm not even joking) For me, this provides stability, even when things, especially in my head, feel very chaotic. Stability and predictability are the gifts of a sense of home
Community. Our home is not just the physical dwelling, it's where that dwelling sits in the wider community. It means we are familiar, even if it's just on a superficial level, with our neighbours. If we’re part of a community, It means we have some say in what happens, there’s social connection, neighbourly support and shared responsibility for local problems or issues.
Identity. Having a home that reflects back to us our values, our culture, interests and passions is very self-affirming. It helps us to feel our uniqueness and our individuality, and it makes it easier for us to express that in other parts of our lives as well. That is why I think spending time, energy and, yes, sometimes money on creating a home that really feels beautiful and unique is so important and so far from frivolous. Having a home that really reflects what you stand for and the things that you love is an incredibly nourishing thing to have.
Creativity. I think creativity is very difficult without a strong sense of home. When we feel comfortable and at ease in our living spaces, we're more likely to be creative. There's space for it. There's also like a sense of pride. This is the case whether you own or rent.
Pride. I think having a sense of ownership over a place and taking responsibility for your environment is important. It can go beyond the physical space and it can radiate into lots of other areas of life. I see this with decluttering all the time. Anyone can declutter, whether you’re a renter or an owner. Regardless of whether you rent or own, I've seen many times now that when somebody takes ownership and control of their clutter, it has this kind of magic effect on lots of other areas of their life and they feel suddenly more able to tackle other areas, or it's suddenly highlighted other areas that they now want to deal with.
Health. In all senses of the word. It might be having a functional kitchen to cook nutritious food, or your ancestral, familiar foods that make you feel at home. It’s also having the physical space to do things like meditate or stretch.
All of what I've just written is why I do the work that I do. I feel so passionate about it. But creating that kind of sense of home goes really beyond the physical structure. And it's about the sense of self, the connection, the personal identity, and it's about community, and it is just a vital aspect of human life. It enhances well being, happiness and overall quality of life
What gives you your biggest sense of home?
I'm guessing you would get your biggest sense of home via sensory means. It'll probably be to do with tastes, textures, smells and sounds.
If you can’t be in your home I have lots of ideas about how to get that sense of home wherever you are:
Make the space yours for however long you’re there. I do this even if I'm in a hotel room for one night. (I really do mean for however long you're there!) Think about adding precious personal objects in the room, like books and journals, for example. Photographs, small artworks or small things that trigger memories, like a little shell or something from a walk that your kid gave you, or a scarf that can act as part of a bedspread. These familiar objects can make the place feel more like your own.
Invest in bags, boxes and suitcases that feel like you, so that when you travel, it feels like you've got a piece of home that you bring with you wherever you are. They feel kind of like friends! I would even extend this to wash bags and makeup bags. Getting those things out at a hotel or friend’s place and putting them in the space will immediately feel like you're making it your own. If you can afford it, invest in bags, suitcases and containers that make your heart sing. Getting them out, wherever you are, will immediately feel a little bit like home.
Use comforting scents. Bring travel candles, essential oil diffusers or perfumes that you associate with home, or relaxation. If you've read previous blogs, you'll know by now that lavender is a really core scent for me. It's got lots of strong memory connections. I bring it with me when I travel and I flick it around the room. I also flick it on my kids beds before I leave. I generally am always flicking lavender around my house and on my belongings. Scent is very powerful.
Use your favourite bedding. Bring your own bedding, pillows and blankets if you can, or if you can't, just one pillowcase will make a difference. When I had my eldest and I was in hospital, I brought two pillowcases in my hospital bag, so it didn't take up too much space. I was so happy to have that tiny bit of home when I was there.
Organise and declutter. Keep the space tidy and organised, even if it is temporary. Do take the time to unpack properly. Tidy up the room every evening, keep it clean. It helps you to feel calm and have a sense of control, even if other things feel wildly out of your control.
Use plants and flowers. Put potted plants and fresh flowers around your space to bring in life and freshness to help clear the air. They bring warmth and they also connect us to nature, which is something that all kinds of studies tell us, gives us a little boost of happiness and helps us to feel calm.
For longer stays, try to create a functional kitchen or at least somewhere that you can prepare a simple meal. Because there is nothing like cooking and eating your own food to make a place feel like home. If possible, equip the kitchen with your favourite cooking tools. I've got my favourite spatula (!) so bringing small things like that bring a sense of familiarity.
For longer stays, use soft lighting. If a space only has the main ceiling light, it can make the corners feel a bit dark, dingy and it can lack atmosphere. If they aren't provided in the space you're in, I think it is worth investing in low-cost or secondhand lamps or fairy lights that you can sell before you move out or give to someone else before you leave If you're not able to take them with you. You can also buy battery-powered lamps too.
Stay connected. I mean, this is obvious, but do keep in touch with friends and family. Having things that remind you of friends and family around is good too. Gather objects that connect you to a lovely memory and try to see friends and family in person too. Sometimes when life is uprooted, it's really easy to hunker down and stay in your own company. But it's helpful to be in physical communion with other people. So lots of coffee dates and walks with good humans.
Explore the neighbourhood. It can be tempting to just stay small and stay in your room. When I've travelled before, when I've been away for work, I quite like having a wander around and finding places that I like that remind me of home. E.g. Finding a favourite cafe, a park, a library, a shop that just makes you smile that you love. Finding your own way around a new space is really important and can really help you to feel like you're bedding down and grounding in. Even if it's a space you kind of know already, I think spending time walking around and getting to know things that you might have missed. Towns and cities are always changing, aren't they? Even in small villages, shops change ownership, new things happen. See what's going on and get to know it.
Practise self-care. It can take a lot of capacity and energy to be uprooted and to not have that sense of stability and home. Whatever it looks like for you, do something that can help you, your whole body, mind, spirit, to rest and feel calm. I personally love the free bit of the Insight Timer app or doing free Youtube yoga or somatic movement that help you to feel centred and grounded. That might be like crafting or writing, or journaling.
If you know anyone who is in a temporary living situation or about to be in a temporary situation, if you know someone who is travelling at the moment, who's starting uni, who is moving in with parents, whatever it is, then share this blog post with them. I hope it will give them some ideas to really think about and focus on and cultivate that really precious sense of home, whatever that looks like for them.
